The road less traveled

Great read! I recommend this book for all walks of life - work, personal relations, growth - all of it. I am tempted to call this book serendipity or an act of synchronicityJ.

I wasn't expecting this book to be anything about answers I was seeking. For the life of me, I cannot remember who recommended this book to me. I think it was Amazon that recommended it, if I'm not mistaken.

Lessons learnt

• Unsolved problems remain a barrier to growth and development of the spirit
• Confront your problems before you are forced to confront them by circumstances
• If you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem
• Acceptance of individuality and separateness is the only foundation on which a mature marriage can be based and real love can grow
• Great marriages cannot be constructed by individuals that are terrified of loneliness and seek merging in marriage
• Listening to people you love = valuing them
• Feelings should be your slaves and part of self-discipline is to learn the art of slave owning
• Exactly what I feel! A mark of maturity in scientists is their awareness that science may be as subject to dogmatism as any other religion. The attitude of many scientists of not only skepticism, but outright rejection of what cannot be measured – is exactly what I was referring to here. I also believe that a huge reason why love, miracles and grace needed chapters of their own is because they cannot be measured – but they do exist, don’t they? The author stole my exact thinking about miracles – the human body and the sky and the lakes and the trees and the flowers with their intricate, well thought designs that put the smartest engineers to shame are miracles for sure!
• Because psychotherapists generally belong to skeptical, there is a tendency for them to consider any passionate belief in God to be pathological, occasionally leading to frank bias and prejudice
• People to be so much more in touch with reality than their fellow citizens that they will be deemed insane by a sick society. This is something my sister and I have frequently discussed about. Goes back to there is no absolute right and wrong. Like the guy on business sutra said about management science, somewhere along the line the management science that developed in Europe hundreds of years ago was assumed to be universal – they were imported/ imposed upon China and India – which is incorrect because these management sciences are subjective to cultures, the right brain - respect and appreciate the right half, the subjective reality otherwise conflict will happen
• The author also talked about ‘Patient's will to grow’ – this I admired most in my dad’s mum – she was healthy till the age of about 90 years! Any cold, cough, disease that passed her way – she took in her stride and overcame. My mum OTOH, lacked this will
• Educated and successful people in any profession who admit ignorance are generally the most expert and trustworthy – wow, another act of synchronicity that another book I just finished reading ‘The Invisible Gorilla’ talks about the exact same thing!

Definition of terms -

• Neurotics assume too much responsibility, people with character disorders too little. People with character disorders don't understand commitment and neurotics that have lost their parents fear commitment. Psychotics - poor parental care till 9 months age, character disorders - 9 months through 2 years, neurotics - 2 through 6 years
• Transference – I already talked about here
• Black lie - statement we make we know is false. White lie - statement that leaves out a significant part of the truth. I know someone I care about deeply that lies (white) sometimes. I also think that this person is someone who suffers from character disorder. I hope I am able to convince him to see a psychotherapist one day
• Depression - feeling associated with giving up something loved, something that is part of us and familiar - abnormal if prolonged. This was good to know because sometimes it is difficult to distinguish depression from anxiety
• Chronic pathologic depression/ giving up neurosis - happens when fate took away something when the person wasn’t ready for it. Another good to know
• Falling in love - temporary collapse of ego boundaries, permitting merging of identities
• Cathexis - process of attraction, investment and commitment
• Mysticism - belief that reality is oneness (Everything is Maya - illusion). I do believe in this, and I think that is why I suffer from depression sometimes when another person doesn’t see the oneness
• Narcissism - failure to perceive the separateness of another - cannot see beyond their own feelings - lack empathy. Parents of schizophrenic children often are narcissistic. I knew someone who just couldn’t empathize with their kid when he was hurt. A common logical response to hurt was – so why did you do this to be hurt
• Principle of Synchronicity - fact that highly implausible events, for which no cause can be determined within the framework of known natural law, occur with implausable frequency
• Serendipity - gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for. I am a believer of both PSR and serendipity. Way too many occurrences to ignore these. An occurrence I frequently give an example of about 5 of my friends at work. If I wouldn’t have met them at work, I would have met them through common friends. If I wouldn’t have met them through common friends, I would have met them in grad school. If I wouldn’t have gone to grad school, I would have been working in the same company as them right after my undergrad. If I wouldn’t have met them there, I went to high school with some of them. The reason I am stating this in reverse chronological order is because I didn’t know them before now. I didn’t seek them, but they are an important part of my life. We were meant to be together for an allotted amount of time. And while some of them have moved away, who knows – maybe I’ll see them again
• Evolution is an eddy in the second law of thermodynamics. Wonderfully put
• Aloneness - unavailability of someone to communicate with at your level of awareness
• Loneliness - unavailability of someone to communicate with at any level. It was great to distinguish between these two. Now I know I am alone, not lonely

- Sonia